neptunain:

go into a starbucks in NYC and say very loudly into your phone “this movie script is stale and trite! we need some new talent, someone with a fresh outlook” and wait

(via braydaaan)

dietcrush:

my friend’s dog was sick and couldn’t get up so they were gonna put him down and as his final supper they got him a big mac and when the dog smelled it he shot up and ate it in one bite and lived for three more years

(via discomforted)

ostracizedpoodle:

“Truth or dare”
“Truth”
“What’s your credit card number”

(via palmist)